Part of me doesn't want to go

It is amazing what a few short weeks can do for ones preception, how much God can move in that short amount of time, how much He can heal, and change. Thank you Father for always loving me, teaching me, holding me, encouraging me to be the person You created me to be. I love you

Its better but it still hurts. In other news I am so blessed. Thank you for your blessings.

It sucks being the odd man out. It really does

I seem to be staying in a state of pissed off and lonliness, and yet I am suprisingly happy with my life right now (except for the pissed off part)

I like to live in a fantasy world

Sometimes I regret certain decisions I have made in my life...Today is one of those days.
On a good note, I have a job! A GREAT job and job i think i am going to really enjoy as it is challenging, involves travel, and interesting. God blesses me so much Thank you

Wondering

Do you ever wonder if the tables were turned, would you feel what I feel. Would you be more careful with your words. I doubt it. I feel so alone. Even when i talk to you. i feel like i am so far away. I just can't win

birthday

Today was a great day. I feel so loved. God takes care of me :)

I feel detached. I guess there is no other way to put it.

God is so good. Even when I don't understand what is happening

GRRRRRRRRRR

revealtions

So life has been okay. I went on a trip, saw some family, went to places I had never been before, and had a blast. It was great. Now I am home. I am restless. I want a change, any change. i want to change my body ( which is happening just really really slowly) I want to change my circumstances. I am trying to be patient and wait upon the Lord. He tells me that If i lean not on my understanding, but acknowledge him, he will guide my path. So I am not leaning on my understanding and am looking for HIs path. I've never been very good at this waiting thing...

dreams dreamers dream

I am not living the life I want to. I want to be traveling and doing something for myself. Making dreams come true, but its hard to do when you are not sure of your own dreams. I am going to go to a couseler this week and get some help. I am tired of being stuck.I need someone to unglue me. I am a temp. I can't travel as i have no money, And I have sat inside for 2 days doing nothing. Things need to change. Why can't i be the person in my head?

They sure do know how to push the buttons

I like to think, i like to dream. I live in my dreams alot of times. How things could be how I want them to be. Its not all roses and fairy tales in my dreams. There is alot of unity, family, living. I want to live. I am trying to live more and dream just a little less

Choices

The older I get the more i realize that everything in life is made of the choices you make, the choices you didn't make, and the choices life decides to throw your way. Its hard living in a world that is dicated by the choices you make. I want to be skinny. I am fat becasue of the bad choices I have made, becasue I choose to eat that extra chocolate chip cookie. And I am the one that chooses to be lazy and no go out for a walk. I did poorly in school because I made the choice to not study, to not apply myself, to let a disease I have dictate how I run my life. I make bad decsions with people, trust those who i think are trustworthy yet may not be. Love someone who does not love me in return. Those are a string of the bad choices I have made, but I make good ones too. I am fighter. I choose to live, I choose to be vocal about what I am passionate about. I choose to care for those around me enough that i influences the way I live my life. I choose to love someone to expierence something wonderful even for a short amount of time. I do not know if the bad choices I have made outweigh the good or vice versa becasue I dont really think it matters. I made my choices, they are in the past and I cannot change them, time for me to move on. But i hope my choices have made me grow. I don't want to be stagnet and sometimes I think I am. That is what scares me the most that life is passing me by and I am just watching it like a movie on a screen. I hope not. well i guess i shold make a good choice and get off here so i can go to bed and get a good nights rest. I do have to work in the morning

Frustration

I am soo angrey right now I am crying and that sucks big time. I hate where I am in my life. I hate being poor, I hate being fat, and I hate having to live with other people. Why can't they just respect my stuff? That is all I ask. But nope I get to have my stuff moved without telling me and when I get upset and can't find anything its my fault. They tell me to put it away but They dont give me a place to put my things. I am soo ANGERY. I want to leave but I have no place to go.